Been musing a lot on identity, lately. I suppose not in the most interesting way, but I always find myself drawn back to how differently I experience both of my 'types. My introduction to (general wave) all of this was daemonism, and way back then I used to just say my daemon was a margay. Course, later I learned it was I who was the margay, but overall I still think the first statement is true. I just added on to it.

All that to say it's quite easy for me to just...be a margay. There's not really a longing there. It's just a state of being. It's a simple fact. I am a margay.

Which is a drastic difference from how I experience being a red-tailed hawk. I'm as much a hawk as I am a margay, the hawk is just more--longing? It's a wanting, when the margay is an existence.

I guess the easiest way to put it is like: I am not a human, who has two distinct kintypes. I'm a margay with just the one. I've never felt much connection with the whole 'human' side of things. I don't consider myself one. So perhaps that's what it is--if I kick out the human identity, that leaves margay as a "default," with red-tailed hawk being the 'type. Or something.

Not sure why it's easier for me to be a feline than a bird. Maybe there's less that I'm lacking? A big part about being a bird, at least as I experience it, is flight, which just...is not a thing I can experience, not in the body I have. Same way with nesting--the body I've got is not build for keeping eggs warm. I'd just crush them! But the way I natually move, the sort of things I'm drawn to--that's all feline. There's less to yearn for because I have it already.

It's a very interesting dichotomy to be hit with, every so often. If I was bodily a margay I would still very much long to be a hawk, but if I was bodily a hawk I don't think it would go both ways.

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